retired | Richard's Ramblings

Why Blah?

I began this blog post sometime in the beginning of March. Since then I have gone back to it on several occasions, adding and editing each time. And I continued to ponder what was the issue. Was it a combination of all that I addressed, was there something additional, or was it something completely different.

I seem to have reached a conclusion in this matter and it will be included at the end of this blog post.

Meanwhile I have decided that I will publish this blog post, when finished, as I think that maybe I’m not the only person with experiences like this and perhaps it will help others.

It has now been over two months since my less than scintillating post to start 2025.

If that post gave you the impression that things were really kind of blah, then that would be an accurate impression. And honestly, not a hell of a lot has changed.

Okay now, why blah? Now I know this is a question that the “analysts” like to ask. The reason I know this is that they do. They are well meaning of course, however if my response falls short, which it usually does, then I am gifted with approaches and actions I should take to improve the blah, all well-meaning as well.

Now these thoughts might help, if I understood the blah factor better myself. However, at times in my addled brain they may tend to have a contrary effect.

So again, why blah?

Perhaps because it’s winter, with the accompanying lack of daylight, cold, and so on. I don’t really partake in winter activities and tend to be much more out and about in the non-white times of the year. Maybe, but some of the blah was around pre winter.

Perhaps because I’m retired, and Kim is still working two jobs. To be clear, this is something she wants to do, not because she has to, and I totally support her. We are looking ahead and reviewing plans for the time her retirement comes.

Perhaps because my hands don’t work as well as they used to. Certainly this is a factor. When I’m putting things together it seems I drop stuff more, which can be a bit frustrating, particularly when trying to find wee screws which have fallen. However, my greatest frustration regarding my hands is what I am doing at this moment. During my military career in communications one of the skills required was typing, be it on a typewriter, a teletype machine, or a computer. I was proud of my skills, achieving well over sixty words per minute with no mistakes. Today, I just made five mistakes in that last sentence (at far less than 60wpm).

Perhaps because my brain has issues, it forgets things at times. I have said, for years, and not totally tongue in cheek, that I suffer from part-timers, where I forget part of the time. Generally this has only been a source of “goldarn it” frustration, but on occasion it has caused a situation which had to be dealt with.

Perhaps because my body is not always happy about the way I’ve treated it over the years. And yes, I am honest about that, I’ve not always been the best caretaker. As well there are a couple of things which are hereditary. I was diagnosed with gout around thirty years ago, and although I’ve been on medications since then, it has contributed to arthritis in different parts of my body, leading to a hip replacement two years ago.

Perhaps because I’m old, speaking strictly about my age, my number of years on planet Earth. Maybe, but the aspect of my age is not really something which upsets me. Some will say that the hands, brain, and body reasons above are because of age. I disagree. Age may be a factor with them, however they are, to me, all separate issues, any one of which would matter less on it’s own.

And this is where this blog post has sat, for close to two months, as I have pondered, and pondered.

While pondering, I arrived at a form of realization that, although all of the above are, to a degree, factors, they are not primary reasons.

A bit of retrospect here. Over my lifetime I have always been interested in technology, particularly computers. My first computer was a Radio Shack MC-10 (which I still have), then the first bug free bios IBM PC, and as the story goes, the rest is history. Of course I was involved with bulletin boards, but the real push came with the development of social media, Facebook, Twitter and the like. For instance, I began blogging about 2007 or so.

When I retired, for the final time, in 2019, I began doing more online, and it morphed into the creation of my Wee Internet Empire, which became like a retirement project that I enjoyed doing. That was good, and I was quite enjoying puttering around and sharing my thoughts and memories.

For the past twenty-five years I have been in Kiwanis, both with my local club and having involvement up to the international level. Around the same time that I retired I began taking a lower Kiwanis profile yet maintaining my support.

A couple of years ago I was approached and asked to return to the club board. After consideration I did, as club secretary, feeling I could make a good contribution there and provide support for the new president. Upon my return I discovered much I could do and set right in, doing that and even more.

I put my Wee Internet Empire off to the side so as to focus on what I wanted to do and pressed forward.

Now, I realize more that I had done something that most parents have cautioned their children over the years – Be careful your eyes are not bigger than your stomach! Or… Don’t bite off more than you can chew!

My term as club secretary will be finishing in a few months and I truly feel that I have completed pretty much all that I set out to do and I believe that the club has done well and will continue to benefit from what we have accomplished together.

However, now I realize that I had moved away from a good comfort spot for myself. My retirement hobby has been essentially dormant for well over a year and when I try to do something with it I am way too easily distracted (hence this photo meme from the movie Up) and move to something else, most often Kiwanis related.

This, over the long term, caused me to be frustrated with myself, and, when combined with the other things I talked of earlier, led me at times to think poorly of myself and to almost withdraw generally into a state of complete blah.

Throughout it all Kim has been a rock, putting up with and supporting me, as she has done for nearly twenty-six years now. Otis (the cat) has done his part also, regularly kicking my ass to feed him and change his litter (which makes Kim happy as well).

As I noted in the intro, I often wondered if I should post this blog as I had it written.

I decided to go ahead, for two reasons. For people who have gone through similar feelings/events, perhaps this will provide some help or insight with their own thoughts. For myself, putting things into words is often better suited for understanding of oneself.

So what does the future hold? Hmm… If I do it right, more good input for future blog posts!

In reality, there are lifestyle changes on the horizon, and we are planning together as to what they may be. As we move forward in our lives I, through my Wee Internet Empire, will endeavour to bring you along also.

As always, thank you for reading and allowing me to share my thoughts and experiences with you. Any comments that you may have are always welcome.

This Retirement Thing

Today I have been thinking.

Now, to some who know me, that would be considered a dangerous thing.

Perhaps not, today anyway. However it has been an interesting thing for me. A bit interesting that is. You see, it’s a holiday Monday, here in Alberta it’s called Family Day.

One might imagine that due to the day, I would be thinking about family, and I did a little, however my main thinking has been about my retirement, and some of the factors which have been affecting it.

It is no surprise that topping the list has been COVID. I use capital letters here because that was the way it arrived. Now it has become more like #@&%*$ Covid.

For millions of people, the ramifications of Covid threw the proverbial monkey wrench into the system. My thinking today is more limited to retired folks, because I are one.

Back in late 2018 I retired for the final time, and yes, I even had plans. More than just plans, they were being put into practice.

For a good portion of the winter I would be in Malaysia, based at our apartment, spending time with family, friends and just doing some traveling around. My wife Kim would join me for part of the time as she was still working. The late spring, summer and early autumn would involve quite a bit of time on my motorcycle, going on rides with mates and fellow veterans, or just by myself touring around Alberta. On the weekends my wife and I would relax and travel around a bit, as well as being involved in weekend motorcycle and other community events.

For 2019 most went according to plan. I spent three months in Malaysia, Kim with me for a month. Summer saw some 6000 kilometres put on the bike and we were involved in various activities most every weekend. Right up to the end of the year we took part in both Kiwanis and veterans events. Life was doing okay.

2020 started out quite well, however there seemed to be ominous rumblings. Mid February Kim and I were off to Malaysia for six weeks. For the first three weeks we were joined by our daughter and her husband from Edmonton. For me this was a big event as she would meet her two sisters in Malaysia, in person for the very first time. (If you have been following my blog posts over the years you’ll know we have a blended family.)

After we arrived, the ominous rumblings increased, and people started talking about this Covid thing. The first three weeks went well, daughter and her husband headed home, and the rumblings increased. After another week they were more than rumblings and we reluctantly made the decision to err on the side of caution and headed back to Edmonton ten days earlier than planned.

Turns out, it was a good decision, as air traffic was essentially shut down shortly after we got home. We had to do our two week quarantine and then Kim was laid off as her workplace was shut down (only for about three months it turned out).

I’m sure that everyone is pretty familiar with what followed for the remainder of 2020 and basically all of 2021, so I’ll just talk about how this affected the retirement thing.

Now is a good time to touch on another factor affecting retirement, that being my health. I have always had a pretty robust immune system, however I have had some mobility issues, particularly in the last ten years. I was diagnosed with a bad hip and the decision was made to put me on the list for a total hip replacement. For those who have experienced this, it is an interesting process. Immediately I was scheduled for a whole battery of tests, including, but not limited to x-rays, heart tests, lung tests, dental tests, nervous systems tests, and more. These are all intended to determine if I was suitable for surgery.

All the tests were completed, however our friend Covid had laid a beating on all scheduled surgeries. Then, towards the end of 2021, I was notified to expect surgery in January 2022. About the same time I received a small injury to my lower leg and it was slow healing, which they thought likely due to me being diabetic. Injury, small or not, has a risk of infection, hence the surgery was cancelled.

Turned out that over the years I have developed poor circulation in my lower legs, causing my legs to be discoloured, and have extremally thin skin, which can be easily abrased, and any wounds would be very slow healing. Following that determination, there came extensive treatment by the wound clinic and home health care (kudos and thanks to these awesome medical professionals). End result, I will now be wearing compression stockings for the remainder of my time.

Good news is, the surgeon seems happy with my condition now and I may be looking at surgery in April of this year. After still more tests of course.

Now, back to this retirement thing.

Of course, any social activity had become a non-starter during 2020, so it was just me, or Kim and I, for the majority of the time. With my hip issues, I made the change from two wheels to three and bought a trike to ride. This made Kim happy and she now rode with me quite a bit. Between the two bikes I managed to put on over 8000 kilometres in 2020. As well the weather was helpful as Kim and I had our last ride of the year the first week of December. Throughout the year our riding was mostly solo. On the odd occasion we rode with others, whenever stopped we would be outside and maintain the suggested two metre distance.

For 2021, social activity remained at a minimum. Kim would go to work and get groceries, being masked and maintaining her distance at all times. Basically I would just stay home, so much that even Otis the cat was getting tired of me. Between the weather, a blown radiator and my leg issues, less than 4000 kilometres was accomplished on the bike. Veterans gatherings were almost nonexistent, while Kiwanis took on an extremely low profile.

2022 was more of the same, however we were starting to get out for our weekly dim sum, socially distanced of course. For me, I think Otis was starting to maybe like having me around, or not. He’s a cat so go figure. Very little riding this year, only about 4000 kilometres again. For my legs they were doing regular appointments as well as home care, so I had to be cautious and was not able to plan much. Come summer our veterans group was having weekly gatherings once more, however they were socially distanced in a parking lot. Oh well, at least we were getting together. Then in the fall, we were able to get together, actually inside. With some of our members being immune compromised, they were not comfortable attending. For Kiwanis, meetings were by Zoom only.

In September, we were lucky enough to add a vehicle to our garage. Defined as a Classic is our 1999 Mercedes SLK 230 sports car. For the next couple of months it was able to steal a few thousand kilometres from the trike, however they seem to get along well anyway. The nice thing is that it expands our ability to have some fun travel, day runs on the trike and longer with the Merc.

So now, here we are in 2023.

Soon it will be three years since we have seen our daughters and grandchildren in Malaysia. Otis and I have held down the home front with me getting out of the house for a few hours averaging one day a week. On occasion maybe two. Right now, this is retirement for me… my house. What day of the week is it? Oh it must be the weekend because Kim is home on Saturday and half of Sunday, and sometimes on a holiday (she works most holidays).

But, things are looking up. As I mentioned, possible surgery in April. Late last year I had a coffee with a friend, then with another friend in January, and now one tomorrow, this with a regular coffee mate from before Covid, but now for the first time in about two years or so. The two “summer rides” are resting in the garage, awaiting Spring and the opportunity to get out and about. An increased level of activity with Kiwanis is being contemplated. Our veterans group is getting together more often. And… we hope to be back in Malaysia about a year from now.

So… the retirement thing, what’s it all about. My experiences have been up and down, back and forth, good and bad. Well, that’s what life is, not only for me, but for every person experiencing the retirement thing. We are all different, not better or worse. All unique!

I’ve thrown a bit of light on my retirement thing, how is yours going?

Want to share? Please do! It would be great to hear from you.

Until next time. Ciao!

Let’s Talk Aging — A Chatbot and Me

So today I thought I’d have a bit of an experiment with this new AI stuff that is being reported on. I created an account with OpenAI to try out their ChatGPT chatbot software.

After logging in, I made the following entry: “Things I notice about aging.” The response I got is shown here in italics.

As a language model, I don’t have personal experience with aging, but I can provide some common observations and changes associated with the aging process:

Physical changes: As people age, they may experience changes in their physical appearance, such as gray hair, wrinkles, and age spots. They may also notice changes in their body shape and size, as well as changes in their mobility and stamina.
Health changes: Aging can bring about changes in health, such as increased risk for chronic diseases like arthritis, heart disease, and diabetes. Additionally, the immune system may weaken, making it easier to get sick or develop infections.
Cognitive changes: As people age, they may notice changes in their cognitive abilities, such as slower reaction times, decreased memory and concentration, and reduced processing speed.
Social changes: Aging can also bring about changes in social relationships, as friends and family members pass away or move away. Older individuals may also become more isolated, which can have negative effects on their mental health.
Emotional changes: As people age, they may experience a range of emotions, including increased feelings of gratitude and contentment, but also sadness or anxiety related to aging, retirement, and declining health.

It’s important to note that not everyone will experience these changes in the same way, and there are steps people can take to maintain their health and well-being as they age, such as staying physically active, eating a healthy diet, engaging in social activities, and seeking medical care as needed.

After reading the response received, without being overly wordy, I decided to give my own response on each of the five points shown. As a reference, I am well into my 74th year (for whatever that may mean).

Physical changes: Well, it seems I still have most of my hair, although it is less populated up there. As my hair has always been quite light blonde it’s hard to tell how gray it may be, however there is no question about my beard, it’s gray and lengthy (last shaved in November 2015). Have some wrinkles, and yes, a few age spots. My basic body shape has essentially unchanged for many years as I have been overweight most of my life, although the underside of my upper arms has gained some extra motion when I shake them. Mobility and stamina will be covered under the next item.
Health changes: I have developed arthritis, slightly in both knees, majorly in my left hip, which is awaiting a complete hip replacement (maybe this year). These of course affect my mobility, and combined with my weight, causes my stamina is affected to some degree. After many tests, the ticker seems to be working well, albeit being just a little weak. Circulation in my lower legs is not great, necessitating the wearing of compression stockings daily. (I look at it as providing a little extra leg protection when on my motorcycle.) Interestingly enough, my immune system remains strong and has a habit of telling sickness and infections to generally “buggar off” (and usually they do).
Cognitive changes: Not sure how my reaction times have changed, as I can still get really mad at myself or my computer in just an instant. In other areas though, like driving, my reactions are good, although my responses have become more tempered and experiences learned over the years have provided me with the knowledge that “stupid is as stupid does” and getting pissed off at it ain’t gonna help. One area I really notice a change though is in my memory. I often say, tongue in cheek, that I suffer from “part-timers”, where I forget things part of the time. This can be so frustrating. For example, I can be talking about someone, can see their face in my mind clear as anything, and their name will not come to me. Then sometime after the conversation is done, Bing, there is the name. Aargh!
Social changes: This is definitely an interesting one. I have lost, and continue to lose, my share of friends or family as they die (I’m not always comfortable with the term “pass away”), and it can create a major change when they are gone. I’m the oldest member of our family line, and have been for the last ten years. I stopped working when I retired for the final time just over four years ago changing my social interactions somewhat. I’ve been a member of Kiwanis since 2001 and a couple of motorcycle organizations since 2017 along with a Canadian Veterans group. However, the kicker came in 2019, when COVID basically said, “y’all just stay home and forget about any social life”. This has been a hard one to recover from as many folks are a bit “gun-shy” and are still not ready to get out and meet other people again. It takes time for sure. It also shows up in the fact that although we were in the habit of traveling to Malaysia to visit our family and friends, pretty much every year, we have not been since early 2020 and probably not until 2024. Not seeing two of our daughters and seven grandchildren is hard.
Emotional changes: A couple of expressions that have been around for many years are, “real men don’t eat quiche” and “real men don’t cry”. Well, for me, I’ve loved quiche all my life, however the crying thing has really come to the fore in the last ten to fifteen years. TV, movies, and real life all have, at times, the ability to open up the tear ducts. Guess older eyes need more lubrication. With regard to feelings of gratitude and contentment, I know that I’m grateful to still be looking at grass from the green side and to have Kim, the love of my life, at my side. Also very grateful for her patience with yours truly (I’m sure it must be sorely tested at times). Can’t say I have a great deal of anxiety or sadness with growing old, however I will admit to occasions of frustration when I find that I am unable to do something I’ve done all my life. Having said that, I’m thinking that I’m not quite over the hill yet, so let’s press on.

Okay, there you have it. Some thoughts about aging. Is that everything? Of course not, however you do get the general idea of what goes on in my head.

So, what goes on in your head? I invite you to share with me, and others who read this blog post, your thoughts or experiences about aging.

Thanks for reading. Catch you again in a future post.

Internet Empire – The Back Story

Firstly, for clarification, I am using the term “Internet Empire” in a fun way.

As I have indicated in a previous post, I have been doing things on the world wide web for well over 40 years. I have been doing blogs, in various forms, as well as Facebook and Twitter, since 2008, for work, volunteer organizations, and myself.

As we all are quite aware, life has changed, some would say drastically, over the past couple of years. For me, it goes a bit further back.

I retired from my final job at the end of 2018 with the plan that I would spend some of my winter time in Malaysia and my summer time enjoying my motorcycle here in sunny Alberta. That worked to a degree for a couple of years, but, as often happens, life got in the way.

The pain I had been experiencing in my hip got worse and was eventually diagnosed as arthritis, to be remedied at some time by a hip replacement. This impacted a number of things, one being my overall mobility, and another my motorcycle riding. It’s hard to ride when one cannot swing one’s leg over the bike. For a biker, not being able to ride creates an unhappy place to be. Over the course of the next two summers I went through two more motorcycles, eventually coming to the one I have now. It is a trike that I am able to mount properly and now I don’t have to worry about my leg strength for stability.

Then, along came COVID-19 (followed by how many variants we have yet to find out). Now traveling to Malaysia is out, for who knows how long. It has also put a severe crimp on social and family gatherings, motorcycle events, volunteer group activities and activities with my local veterans group. As well, it has created another factor into the potential scheduling of my hip replacement surgery.

As a result, I’m literally sitting like a bump on a log at home, retired, mobility challenged, Covid restricted, and in the middle of a -30C (at times) Alberta winter.

Quite honestly, it was depressing, and I found myself imitating Jerry Seinfeld and doing nothing, although it seemed to work way better for him than for me.

I would like to say, then came an epiphany, however that was not the case. It was more like a gradual thought process. It started with the thought that, as an amateur photographer for many years, I might have some photos or even some videos that folks might like to see. Obviously, they are not doing much good just stored on my computer or in a trunk in the garage. Then came the thought that I like to write, and I do have some good stories to tell from the last 70+ years. After working with different youth groups over the last 15-20 years I have become familiar with various smartphone apps like WeChat, WhatsApp, Telegram, SnapChat and so on, so that I could stay in touch with them. They were impressed that the Old Guy could actually do that.

After pondering these thoughts for a while, I figured, maybe I can put all these things together (and perhaps some others as well), give myself something to do, and have fun doing it. Maybe even provide a commodity others may find interesting as well.

Hence came into being, the concept of an Internet Empire. It may not be grand in scope, however it is meaningful to me, and in the end, maybe that’s the most important thing.

This Internet Empire is moving along. I now have a website, LeSueur.ca, with links to my various internet platforms. Just recently I have have created a newsletter, Old Guy, New Tricks, where I can notify folks when I update any of my platforms (like this blog) or share other information. I invite you to subscribe.

As this process has moved forward, I find I am contacting with more people from all over. Now I subscribe to a good number of blogs (as you can see off to the right), quite a few YouTube channels, Flickr sites, and such. In addition to being very interesting, I have been able to learn many new online techniques as well.

So, this is a bit of the back story for my Internet Empire. You are welcome to have a look around, comment on things and share with your friends. All are welcome.

Do We Ever Really Grow Up?

I have always considered that one of the most unfair questions to ask a young person is “What do you want to be when you grow up?”.

There are a couple of reasons I believe that question to be unfair.

First, generally when young we may have an idea what we’d like to be, however it is really a moving target as we gain knowledge and life experience.

Second, at almost sixty-eight, I don’t know what I want to be when I grow up.

For instance, recently I, in a manner of speaking, regressed in age. How did I do that, you might ask. Well, after more than forty years since the last one, I went out and bought a motorcycle. Not just a small bike, but 1500cc of powerful, heavy, cruiser.

2017-05-09 17.03.39 I can assure you, there was definitely a period of adjustment, because of the time away from hitting the road on two wheels, and also due to the fact that this bike is twice the size of any previous machine.

And then there was the matter of a proper licence. In Alberta, to legally ride a motorcycle, one has to have a Class Six licence. Although I had an Alberta motorcycle licence previously, due to the passage of time, and the changes in provincial systems, it was decreed that I must take the written and practical tests anew as my old records could not be located. Ah, but a minor blip in the process, fairly quickly dealt with.

Now I’m riding on a regular basis, meeting lots of new people, those who share the joy, love, passion (call it what you will), of being on a motorcycle. And I am finding that this group of people is way bigger than it was when I was riding those many years ago. As a matter of fact, there are approximately 130,000 registered motorcycles (including mopeds) in Alberta, an average of 30 bikes per 1000 people. This is a higher ratio than anywhere else in Canada.

Now I’m retired (kinda sorta), I work in a jail, I’m out on my motorcycle, I hang out with a bunch of bikers, I’m more heavily involved in Kiwanis than ever, I’m on our condo board, and I spend several months in Malaysia each year.

Sooo… what do I want to be when I grow up? Beats me, I figure I’ll never get there!