Reflections

Contemplations – Thoughts – Action

It is really quite interesting. A few days ago I was beginning the process of formulating this post when I received the article, A Morning Reflection on Life from Ivan. Upon reading it I asked if I could share it, he said I could, and I published it as a guest blog post.

Interesting because I was contemplating having the title of this blog post Thoughts As We Near Life’s End. Not the morbid type of thoughts, but rather thinking of the processes we must consider as we get to the old age part of our lives.

As I get to the point where I am only a few short years away from completing my eight decade, new rules keep appearing as we, Kim and I, endeavour to carry on with our lives.

When I say rules, I am grouping together policies, practices, processes, procedures, requirements, and so on. You get the idea.

For instance, many people have observed that, as they age, they “are not as active as they used to be”. Aging will do that. (For me, I never was as active as I used to be.) Maybe we move slower, aren’t as flexible, can’t leap a curb in a single bound.

Perhaps this means that, when flying, sitting in basic economy does not make for a pleasant flight, but rather we must fly premium economy or (gasp) business class. This will, of course, bring a financial penalty.

Another aspect of traveling is travel insurance, particularly the health part. Boy oh boy, as we age, do the insurance companies really see you coming in this area. Within the last year we went to Malaysia and area for five months. Our medical travel insurance quote was twice our airfare and we flew premium economy. Holy dingle, that was a bit of a shock to the system.

Two of the important ingredients for traveling are the time and the wherewithal (i.e. money). As is the case with many folks, when we age we find we often have more time, albeit affected by the slower movements mentioned above. Also, as is the case with many folks, when we age we find we often have more wherewithal, albeit affected by the expenses referenced above.

Keeping these things in mind, I always recommend to young people that whenever they get a chance to travel, think seriously about taking it.

Another aspect of aging is our health. Here of course we are all different, but we may have medications, living aids, mobility supports, bionic parts, and so on. All of these factor in to how we live our lives and what we can do.

After reading what I have written thus far I see that maybe I got a wee bit off track with the travel part and got back to more general with the health part.

Really my original intention was to talk more about what I see or feel happening with me. So let’s try to stay on course.

For instance, I cry more.

Not just from sadness, but from emotion. Usually it’s the eyes get blurry type of crying, and on occasion, the cheeks are wet. When I was younger, the wet eye thing only happened on rare occasions. Perhaps due to the “real men don’t cry” mantra. Who knows.

Over the past number of years I have been to quite a few funerals. Sad occasions and I go to pay my respects and support my friends who have lost a family member. (Note: the frequency of this happening increases with age.) However recently the waterworks occurred when I felt the raw emotion coming from a friend who had lost her much beloved father.

I like to watch The Voice on YouTube, primarily The Voice Australia or The Voice UK. Curiously, not the whole show, just the blind auditions. The reason for the audition, the result, and the interaction with the judges, can, at times, result in emotional blurry eyes.

There are other things as well, movies, public events, books, but I think you get the idea.

So I cry more, and I don’t consider it a bad thing.

I have become more isolated.

This is something that I tend to do to myself and is the result of several factors. Often I feel that I really don’t want to be a bother or that I don’t have anything of value to contribute. I may reach out a few times, and when not receiving a response for whatever reason, will not reach out again. I consider this to be part of life. These days folks are kept extremely busy with the events of their own lives.

There is one exception to this however. Young people. I work/volunteer with groups of young people within my Kiwanis activities, and to me, that is one of the most important things I am involved with, outside of helping my family members. I will be doing a separate blog post regarding my activities in this area.

As I continue pondering on the composition of this blog post, I run up against the confounding complexity of my own grey matter. I have a number of projects set for myself, mostly with a common thread, yet constantly am frustrated by my ongoing inability to actually do them.

Recently I had a contact with a person I had initially met almost twenty years ago. She had posted on LinkedIn that she was having issues being active in her projects, and was pledging to try and address them. This struck a chord, being similar to what is happening with me. I immediately reached out to her (the old misery loves company thing). I thanked her for the post, telling her how it struck a chord and I was dealing with similar feelings. She suggested that I also make a pledge, and that we could work supporting each other.

Her words are part of the reason for this blog post, perhaps functioning like the proverbial “kick in the ass”, to get me going. Also there was an effect on me when I encountered her “putting it out there”, reminding me that often things are more easily dealt with when they are spoken out loud, and not just thoughts in the mind. When we say something out loud, even to ourselves, we hear what is said and it has a different effect rather than simply thinking it.

So… I mentioned that I have some projects set for myself, and you are likely wondering what they may be.

Basically, there are three projects, and each overlaps to a degree on one or both of the others.

Since I was young I have had an interest in my family history, even writing an essay on it for a school assignment about 1965. (My father had kept a copy of it, however after his death in 1992 it was not located in his files.) My interest continued and when my mother passed in 2012, she left a number of family albums. In early 2014 I created an account with Ancestry and over the years it has grown substantially. In addition to my personal interest, I like to pass the information discovered to other family members, near and distant, particularly those interested in our family legacy and connections.

Also since I was young I have been a prolific taker of photographs, and over the years have accumulated tens of thousands of prints, slides, and digital photos, going back to the mid 1960s. Added to that are the family photos (and movies), a great many of which were taken by my father, and a large amount of extended family photos taken by my grand parents and uncle which were passed to me through my cousin Jennifer (who is also studying our family history). As you can imagine, the majority of the family history photos are basically prints. Then there are my prints and slides. This give me the project of digitizing the prints and slides, having started over a dozen years ago. Part of the reasoning for this project is I figure photos and videos aren’t all that useful sitting in a box in the garage. My aim is to share them, put them in a place where people can see them. For that I utilize my Flickr site, having photos anyone can see, and areas for friend or family viewing.

I turn seventy-seven next month and have retired a number of times throughout my life. I retired from the military in 1990 (first retirement), and from my work in law enforcement in 2019 (last retirement). There were three or four in-between. I have had an online presence since the late 1980s and am quite active on social media since 2007, particularly Twitter and Facebook. Over the years I created accounts on several internet platforms and in late 2019 decided to put them all together when I created the Wee Internet Empire, my retirement project, of which this blog is part. You can follow the link to see what else is involved. As a result of events in my life I have thoughts, experiences, travels, that I would like to recount and share on my various platforms with those who are interested.

So… these are the three projects of which I speak. After seeing them together you can see the overlaps.

Now we come to the crux of the matter. As I noted previously, for the past couple of years I have been frustrated and upset with myself that not even one of these projects as moved forward in any substantive fashion. I’m sure I could come up with various “life happens” type reasons, however I know that the real reason is buried somewhere between my ears. Yes, I have had sparks, however they were quickly extinguished (unlike the wildfires the world is suffering from currently).

What is next?

“The time has come,” the Walrus said,
   “To talk of many things:
Of shoes—and ships—and sealing-wax—
   Of cabbages—and kings—
And why the sea is boiling hot—
   And whether pigs have wings.” – (Excerpt from The Walrus and the Carpenter by Lewis Carroll)

Yes, the time has come, encouraged by my friend Felicia’s post, for me to say out loud to all of you that I will move past this grey matter doldrum and get at these projects with renewed sense of purpose.

It has been a few days since I started this blog post, there has been much thinking, I’ve read it aloud a number of times (almost like practicing a speech), and now it’s time to press “Publish” and send it out to you, my loyal readers.

Thanks for reading, I hope you found it interesting. As always, I appreciate any feedback or thoughts you may have, your comments are welcome. I invite you to share with others and also subscribe to my Wee Internet Empire newsletter if you have not already done so.

Until next time. Be well, look after yourself, look after others.

A Morning Reflection on Life

A guest blog written by Ivan Goh (shared with permission)

A few mornings ago, as I sat alone at breakfast overlooking the hotel pool on a bright, beautiful and almost impossibly peaceful morning here in Dubai, I found myself simply staring at the water and thinking about Life.

The sun was shining brilliantly. The sky was blue. Breakfast was being served. People around me were talking, laughing, checking their phones, making plans for the day and carrying on with the familiar routines of an ordinary morning.

And yet, somewhere beyond this peaceful little world surrounding me, there is war in the region.

Not so very far away, another human being may be experiencing the most terrifying morning of his life.

A family may be wondering whether their home will still be standing tomorrow.

Someone may be saying goodbye to the person they love without knowing whether that goodbye will be the last.

The contrast struck me deeply.

How strange this world is.

How one person’s perfectly ordinary morning can exist at exactly the same moment as another person’s unimaginable tragedy.

And it made me realize again just how fragile the thin thread of normality really is.

We wake each morning assuming there will be another.

We make plans for next week, next month, next year and sometimes years into the future as though Time has somehow entered into an agreement with us.

But Time has made no such promise.

Life is fleeting.

Perhaps we hear those words so often that we no longer truly understand them.

But they are among the greatest truths of our existence.

Everything we know is temporary.

Youth passes.

Beauty changes.

Strength diminishes.

Careers eventually end.

Homes belong to someone else one day.

Possessions are scattered.

The places where we once stood become somebody else’s memories.

And eventually, every one of us must surrender the one possession we spent our entire lives believing belonged to us:

Time.

That is why I have come to believe that Time is both life’s most precious currency and its greatest adversary.

Money lost can sometimes be earned again.

Possessions can be replaced.

Opportunities may occasionally return.

But yesterday is gone forever.

Not all the wealth in the world can purchase one minute of Time back.

And perhaps this is why I feel so strongly that Life should never be unnecessarily postponed.

There are words that should not wait until tomorrow.

There are embraces that should not be withheld.

There are promises that should not be endlessly delayed.

There are people who should never be left wondering whether they truly matter.

Because one day there will be no “later.”

One day the telephone will no longer ring or text will never appear.

One day the chair across the table will be empty.

One day we will desperately wish for one more ordinary morning with someone we loved.

And suddenly all those mundane moments we barely noticed will become priceless.

One more breakfast together.

One more walk.

One more argument followed by forgiveness.

One more laugh.

One more journey.

One more opportunity to say:

“You mattered to me. You were part of my life, and my life was richer because you were in it.”

That, increasingly, is how I want to live whatever remains of my journey.

I do not want merely to accumulate more days.

I want to make my days count.

I want to live without keeping score.

I want to give without constantly asking what I will receive in return.

I want to have compassion for those whose journeys are more difficult than mine.

I want to speak truth to power when silence would be easier.

I want to remain kind in a world that can sometimes make kindness difficult.

I want to be grateful for the privilege of another sunrise.

And above all, I want my word to mean something.

If I make a promise, I want to honor it.

If I give someone my commitment, I do not want that commitment to disappear when circumstances become inconvenient.

Because ultimately, what is a human being without integrity?

At the end of our lives, we will not be measured simply by what we possessed or the titles that once appeared after our names.

Perhaps the greater measure will be much simpler:

Did we keep our word?

Did we care enough?

Did we stand beside the people we promised not to abandon?

Did we show compassion when someone needed us?

Did we make another human being’s life a little brighter because we were part of it?

That is the legacy I increasingly care about.

I have no desire to live forever.

But I desperately want to live while I am alive.

I want to see more of this extraordinary world.

I want to sit at more tables surrounded with people I care about.

I want to laugh until my stomach hurts.

I want to watch sunsets without rushing somewhere else.

I want to say what is in my heart while I still have a voice to say it.

I want to forgive what deserves forgiving.

I want to fight for what deserves fighting for.

And I never want pride, fear, convenience or procrastination to steal years that life could have filled with memories.

Because there is a terrible sadness in imagining one awaiting for life to begin when life was happening all along.

We cannot keep telling ourselves:

Someday.

Soon.

When circumstances are better.

When everything is easier.

When the timing is perfect.

There may never be a perfect time.

There is only the time we have been given.

Today.

This morning.

This heartbeat.

This opportunity to live life to the full

This opportunity to make something right.

This opportunity to keep a promise.

This opportunity to tell someone what they mean to us.

I feel an overwhelming gratitude simply for being alive.

Not because life has always been easy.

It hasn’t.

Not because everything I have wanted has happened when I wanted it to.

It hasn’t.

But because despite everything, I am still here.

Still capable of living

Still capable of giving.

Still capable of dreaming.

Still capable of making someone’s day brighter.

Still capable of creating another memory.

And while I still have that privilege, I want to use it.

I have often thought that perhaps this is how I would like my own life to be remembered:

Like a shooting star crossing the night sky.

A shooting star does not remain forever.

Its journey across the darkness is breathtakingly brief.

But for those few extraordinary seconds, it burns brilliantly.

It catches our attention.

It makes us look upward.

It illuminates the darkness around it.

And even after it disappears beyond the horizon, the person who witnessed it remembers having seen its light.

Perhaps that is all any of us can really hope for.

We arrive.

We burn brightly for a little while.

We live

We stumble.

We learn.

We hurt.

We forgive.

We laugh.

We cry.

We touch other lives.

And then eventually we disappear beyond the horizon.

But perhaps something of us remains.

In someone’s memory.

In someone’s character.

In a kindness they learned from us and passed to another.

In a promise we kept.

In a hand we held during a difficult time.

In the life of someone who once needed to know that they mattered.

And so when my own shooting star finally disappears into that vast night sky, I hope those I leave behind will not remember me simply for what I accomplished.

I hope they will remember how deeply I

cared.

That I gave.

That when I made a commitment, I meant it.

That I tried to speak the truth even when truth was uncomfortable.

That I stood beside the people I loved when standing beside them mattered most.

That I tried to leave people better than I found them.

And perhaps somewhere, someone will look into the night sky and remember that for one brief moment in this enormous universe, our lives crossed.

And I hope they will smile.

Because ultimately, I have come to understand something very simple:

Life is not about how long our shooting star remains in the sky.

It is about how brightly we choose to burn while we are here.

So I want to live.

Fully.

Fearlessly.

Compassionately.

Honestly.

I want to love with everything within me.

I want to honor my promises.

I want to cherish the people who have chosen to walk beside me.

I want to make ordinary moments extraordinary simply by understanding how temporary they are.

And when my final day eventually arrives, I hope I can look back without wishing that I had lived more, spoken more honestly, forgiven sooner, travelled farther, laughed louder, held someone closer or spent fewer years waiting for tomorrow.

I want to be able to say:

I was here.

I lived with integrity.

I gave something of myself to others.

I made memories.

I made a difference.

And I did not waste the extraordinary privilege of being alive.

Because Life is fleeting.

And somewhere between our first breath and our last lies this magnificent, heartbreaking, beautiful opportunity called Life.

May we never be so busy preparing for tomorrow that we forget to live it today.

May we never postpone to live until Time decides for us that it is too late.

And may each of us, however briefly we are given this night sky, have the courage to become that shooting star

to burn brightly,

to illuminate the lives around us,

to live without reservation,

and to leave behind a little light long after we are gone.